dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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