remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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