i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
