tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize