I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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