Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
