I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
