sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
