He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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