hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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