Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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