We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
