Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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