i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
