I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
