waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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