so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
