I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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