Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
