i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
we're so committed to being not committed
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
