Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
