i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
