I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
