How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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