went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
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sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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