That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
