I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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