sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
