you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
