Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
