It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
