Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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