We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
