He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
