so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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