it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
