her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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