I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Holy sore nipples Batman
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
