broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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