I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
