you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
