Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
