This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
