I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
