went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
