Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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