I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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