I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
