so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
