I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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