There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This baby is an asshole
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
