U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
