when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize