This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
