is wine microwaveable?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i think i just lost a toe
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
