youre lurking in front of me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
