doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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