I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
