if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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