Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
