His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
