Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
