Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
