Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
