Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This girl is more easily done than said...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
