but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
