Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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